Them damn liberals done it to me!

What makes a man? That’s the sort of question that all them squishy, fem-dems and hippy-liberal types oughta be askin’ Bill O’Gobbley. Who’s Bill O’Gobbley ya say?

Well, he’s a wealthy bird–made a fortune by writing a best-selling memoir [and movie] about his life as a cock fighter. He was born on a turkey farm and was, as a young bird, taken from his parents, disguised as a chicken and forced to fight in an underground cockfighting circuit.

But that’s all in the past. Although he says he doesn’t like talking about the past, everyone who knows him knows that he can easily be coaxed into sharing stories that, ultimately, showcase his ability to overcome adversity by pulling himself up by his own bootstraps.

He’s a paranoid, arrogant, irritable, bully of a bird who (because of his past) desperately craves lighter moments and surrounds himself with non-threatening types who amuse him or who he can browbeat.

Because of his early traumatic entrapment, he’s obsessed with freedom. It’s really all he thinks and talks about. Thanksgiving and turkey farms horrify him. He secretly funds and runs a private army of “Freebirds” whose mission is to free all domesticated fowl (not just turkeys). He’s pestered by nightmares and suffers from insomnia. He’s a loyal friend to those who agree with him and a relentless enemy of those who disagree (although he respects their freedom to disagree). His biggest secret: He’s been seeing a therapist for years.

So there ya have it. And don’t miss the movie! OR ELSE…

One thing he has going for him (or not going for him if one is a full-fledged mullet head) is that he doesn’t get preachy–from a religious point of view anyhow. Because of this, he get’s our “four mullet” rating.

Time to get some religion Billy-boy!

On abortion: “I am strongly pro-life. I think one of the most disastrous rulings of this century was Roe versus Wade. I do believe in the slippery slope theory. I believe that if people are careless and casual about life at the beginning of life, we will be careless and casual about life at the end. Abortion leads to euthanasia. I believe that.”

On climate change: “The greatest hoax I think that has been around for many, many years if not hundreds of years has been this hoax on [...] global warming.” – Ron Paul on Fox Business, Nov. 4, 2009″

Need I say more?

How to trick a free-loadin' hippy!

Nothing feels as good as getting somethin’ fer nothin’! That’s what all those low-life scumbags like Lefty La Rue are doin’, livin’ off the land (and the government).

Who’s Lefty La Rue? Well. he’s is a hippy, stoner, vegan bear who lives in a cave in the woods. He has a fantastic garden and grows “medicinal” marijuana along with edibles—he’s really into canning veggies and fruits, drying herbs and living green. Although he is brilliant and can fix just about anything (others bring stuff to him for repairs) he is legally disabled (he says suffers from fits but hasn’t had one in years) and collects supplemental security income and food stamps. He has major issues when it comes to making decisions. Because his default strategy is to “sleep on it,” he can be often be found napping. He’s a bit of a hoarder, lets things fall into disrepair, misses appointments, doesn’t get stuff done (you know the type). He’s educated, an atheist, stays on top of the news and has a lot of opinions—some are quite bizarre. He’s outraged mainly by environmental degradation, squares (conservatives) and social inequality/injustice, all of which he says come from a big pile of “CRAP”: Capitalism, Religion, Apathy and Politics. He likes to mess with Rebel, Bill O’Gobbley and Mama Griz…and he’s usually smart enough to get away with it. He tries to connect with Stinky…considers him as naïve and believes he can get him to see things his way (as opposed to Rebel’s). He has Stinky over to his place from time to time…that is if Rebel doesn’t get in the way. He’s an inventor—he’s working on something that will be “a very, very big deal, man” in a secret cavern…way back in his cave.

And along with the hippies there are all them welfare-mamas. They must be feelin’ pretty high right about now (not as high as Reb and Stinky though…), what with all that taxpayers’ money being handed out!

Good thing someone cares enough to stop the insanity (endwelfarenow.com Rep. Ron Paul). And check out this post to Hannity’s site. Hits the nail right on the head don’t it? Make no mistake about it: It’s a just world where people get what they deserve and bad things happen to bad people.

This site will only work for mullet heads who can read, however (this means that one can detect an intelligence operating here). A nod for those of faith is provided by the center’s ongoing project concerning “faith and free enterprise.”

For the true right-wing conservative, this site truly has it all.

Man's heart away from nature becomes hard. ~Standing Bear

The literal interpretation of this week’s toon is: Stinky likes the sunset. And Rebel, because he cannot see it (he’s got sunglasses on and is busy cleaning his gun), is perplexed by Stinky’s comments.

However, there’s something more fundamental revealed about the characters here. For Rebel, it has to do with his inability to appreciate the beauty of the natural world and his inability to connect with another who can (Stinky the skunk). Rebel, sadly enough, may be beyond redemption. In him there is only hopelessness. Although they are pals and Stinky (a hapless, uneducated, redneck skunk) has a lot in common with Rebel, we can’t help feeling that there is still hope for him. When we can connect at some level and share in experiences that enable us, if only for a moment, to transcend our differences, then there’s still hope for us.

There are those among us, like Rebel, who cannot share the more tender aspects of their inner life with others either because they haven’t got any tender aspects (unlikely), or because (more likely) they are guarded and hardened against feeling and expressing them (this is called repression). To a liberal wussy who’s chock full of tenderness, these folks come off as being mean and scary. Sadly, this makes them unapproachable.

Now to engage in a bit of stereotyping (I’ll be sure to stereotype the pantywaist liberals some other week). These mean and scary kind of folks come wrapped in a few different types of packages. Here are a couple of them:

Package #1: NASCAR fan, camouflage baseball hat (Oakley glasses on the bill), “F*** Obama” sticker on the bumper of an F-150 next to a (somewhat faded) “Freedom Isn’t Free” sticker. If you turn over some rocks and dig around a bit, you’ll find them expressing themselves (no tenderness, just meanness) on anti Obama web sites. Read the first post, it’s from a Texan.

Package #2: Sports jacket and a tie with an American flag on the lapel. “I am Dick Cheney” glasses. White skin. You’ll find them in places where conservative businessmen like to gather (The Heritage Foundation) and the Center for the Defense of Free Enterprise.

I can’t say which is the meaner, scarier type. What I do know is that to the typical lefty both can seem unapproachable and, consequently, unreachable.

But what sentiments does the typical lefty evoke in the typical right-winger? Rage, contempt and disgust seem prevalent. To the righty, the lefty must seem equally unapproachable and unreachable but for different reasons.

The more important question is where does this leave us? A couple scenarios:

Scenario #1: It leaves us standing on either side of the Grand Canyon. The one on the right looks out upon otherwise valuable land ruined by erosion. The one on the left sees the glory of the world infected by the human race. If one could just get their hands on the other, he’d chuck ‘em off the edge.

Scenario #2: After a long, arduous hike down, we meet at the bottom. We delight in the fact that we’ve survived, build a campfire, roast marshmallows, and marvel, in quiet togetherness, at the starry sky. We do not discuss politics or religion. Then one kills the other in their sleep.

Scenario #3. After a long, arduous hike down, we meet at the bottom. We delight in the fact that we’ve survived, build a campfire, roast marshmallows, and marvel, in quiet togetherness, at the starry sky. We do not discuss politics or religion. We wake to a glorious new day and after a hearty breakfast, we begin the long climb, up and out.

Wow. Take the tour.
I like Capitalism. Essentially, it’s: By right (not God-given) I do my thing and you do yours.
I can’t force you to do something I want and you cannot force me to do what you want. We just leave each other alone. And the government’s role is to support this arrangement.

Capitalism = Freedom.

This is the message that Capitalism.org wants us to get. I think it’s rather naive, but perhaps it’s something right-wing conservative capitalists may consider.

On abortion.
On religion.
On the environment.
On war.
On immigration.

Stop the Socialist Agenda!

What is socialism? In my (educated layperson’s) understanding it’s a system of government where the institutions that support a society (healthcare, finance, industry, etc.) are managed by the central government. I’m sure I’ve left something out, but I believe this captures the essence of my (impoverished) understanding of socialism.

Thankfully, with the slightest amount of digging (just Google “socialism” and the first link will be wikipedia), one discovers nuance and complexity. From reading (scanning) what’s on Wikipedia (seems a reliable source), I see that my educated layperson’s understanding above maps on to the Marxist-Leninist economic brand (not surprisingly it’s the one Real Americans are supposed to hate): “Socialists inspired by the Soviet model of economic development, such as Marxist-Leninists, have advocated the creation of centrally planned economies directed by a single-party state that owns the means of production. ” That’s the anti-Capitalism brand. The real bad stuff. Socialism is bad for business and is, therefore, bad for us.

But wait, there’s more:

“Socialists generally argue that capitalism concentrates power and wealth within a small segment of society that controls the means of production and derives its wealth through a system of exploitation. This creates a stratified society based on unequal social relations that fails to provide equal opportunities for every individual to maximize their potential and does not utilise available technology and resources to their maximum potential in the interests of the public and focuses on satisfying market-induced wants as opposed to human needs. Socialists argue that socialism would allow for wealth to be distributed based on how much one contributes to society, as opposed to how much capital one holds.”

Sounds downright diabolical!

Central to the critique of economic socialism is the notion that the public and central control of means of production and a rationalized “distribution of wealth” threatens individual liberty (read: property rights) which in and of itself, may be the core issue libertarians and Real Americans (flag-waving chauvinists in general) have with socialism. That is, there is an anti-individualist philosophy underpinning socialism that runs counter to the ideal of American individualism (read: freedom) and individual rights.

Live free or die.

But, and this is the $1,000,000,000,000 question: Are capitalists truly free?

Some would argue: No. Some would argue that even though a capitalist can own a business, or a home on a cul-de-sac in Seattle, or a compound on some acreage in northern Idaho, he/she is not totally free. Rather, Joe and Betty Plumber are being (subtly) controlled by corporate types who control the media and the government, or more appropriately, let’s say the governments, in light of the internationalized marketplace.

And what does it mean to be free anyhow? Freedom from or freedom to? Some combination of the two?

Damn! It gets complicated don’t it? And don’t look to smart people to explain it! Jeezus, they’ll just complicate things even more. Case in point: Here’s what Noam Chomsky had to say about Capitalism back in the early 1990s, just after The Wall came down:

“David Finkel: Let’s begin with the topic of the moment, the collapse of the Soviet Union: Is this a victory for the free market? Does it solve capitalism’s problems, or create new ones?

Noam Chomsky: To begin with, I think terms like “capitalism” and “socialism” have been so evacuated of any substantive meaning that I don’t even like to use them. There’s nothing remotely like capitalism in existence. To the extent there ever was, it had disappeared by the 1920s or ’30s. Every industrial society is one form or another of state capitalism. But we’ll use the term “capitalism,” since that is more or less its present meaning.”

State Capitalism? What the hell is that? If you want to learn more read the interview. Or if you want to learn the true meaning of Capitalism go here: Capitalism.org.

More from mister smarty-pants Chomsky:

“Chomsky: For some time now, I’ve been going out of my way to go to the least organized, most reactionary places where I can get invited. During the Gulf war, I was talking in areas like Georgia, Appalachia and Northern California — places that people [anti-war folks] who are organizing regard as hostile territory, and where during the war everybody was wearing fatigues. Yet I always find that people come out, and are interested. I think people are mainly cynical; they don’t believe in anything. That can take the form of hysterical jingoism, but it’s paper thin. Another form it takes is religious revivalism, which I think is on a scale in this country that’s unique outside of places like Iran. Or it can take the form of immersion in something else, like football games.”

Hysterical jingoism? Religious revivalism? Football? Sounds like Thanksgiving at Sarah Palin’s…

Bottom line: Whether you’re a capitalist or socialist you’re not free. You’re particularly un-free if you don’t understand why you believe in one system or the other.

Here’s how it works: People start life believing in nothing. Those who believe in nothing will eventually encounter those who believe in something (the true believers) and become like them. This is called social influence. Eventually they learn what they’re supposed to do (from the true believers). This is called socialization. Later, they mistakenly consider their beliefs as having occurred as result of personal choice (freedom).

To avoid the complexity of understanding it all, which often eventuates the existential vacuum of non-belief, which then leads to living in Georgia, wearing fatigues, watching football games, we suggest you go shoppin’.

We’ve got products right here.

Go ahead, attack Planned Parenthood (even while it’s being defunded). And right, there is no such thing as global warming.

Obamacare? The worst thing ever to happen to the US of A. Limits on insurance premiums will certainly spell our doom. After all, look at the shape those socialists in Denmark are in (take a minute and read Forbe’s World’s Happiest Countries article).

Malkin’s is just another blog for mean, stingy (they’re always complaining about the government taking their money but seem to sympathize with the anti-union “wealth makers” who can shelter massive amounts of income from taxes) fearful, ignorant people published by (seemingly) smart people who have struck gold in preaching to the choir.

My God! Is there no end to it?

That reminds me. One thing Malkin’s blog has going for it is a lack of flag waving and bible thumping. I just don’t get that she’s part of that…at least from the site (thanks Michelle). What she is (and the writers for the blog) is more of a whining, liberal-hating tattletale. The question is: If not for love of God and country then why? It must be her personality…

No Think'in Allowed!

There’s some (possibly) smart people saying really stupid things these days. Check out Dumbest Right-Wing Quotes of 2010 if you don’t believe me.

”It may be a blessing in disguise. … Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it’s a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other.”

—Pat Robertson, on the earthquake in Haiti that destroyed the capital and killed tens of thousands of people, Jan. 13, 2010

Thanks Pat. That explains it.

But how does Robertson explain the earthquake in Japan? What did the Japanese do to piss God off? Faulty Toyota brake systems? Practice Buddhism?

Like your typical three-year-old, right-wing conservatives crave order and certainty; they reflexively recoil from disorder and uncertainty. They loath deep thought because it fosters the cultural and religious relativism (read: liberals’ wishy-washy, “anything goes” approach to life…CHAOS) it often leads to. It fosters self-criticism, which is a sign of weakness, which is another thing that conservatives seem to loath.

Question: What is it that lies at the core of the right-winger’s psyche that drives their fear of critical thought?
Answer: An inferiority complex, born of a threatened or failed “will to power.”

I think this might explain a lot. But it may not.

What do you think?